What should I do with my newborn when they're awake?

Why simple is enough

If you're staring at an awake newborn wondering what you're supposed to be doing, you're in good company. The answer is gentle: your face, your voice and a few seconds of patience. You need no equipment.

Your newborn's brain is wiring itself from what happens to it. Harvard's researchers call the key ingredient serve and return. Your baby "serves" with a look, a sound or a kick, and you "return" it with a smile, a word or a touch. Each round strengthens connections your child will later use to talk, learn and get along with people. Learn the basics in serve and return with babies.

Seven ideas for awake time

1. Face to face

Newborns study faces up close. Hold your baby during a calm, alert moment so your face fills their view, as during a feed. Make one slow expression, such as a big wide-eyed "oh." Hold it two seconds. Wait. If they widen their eyes or move their mouth, smile and say, "You're talking to me!"

2. Narrate the diaper change

Name each step slowly as you do it: "Legs up! Wipe, wipe. Cold! Now the clean diaper." Pause after each line. Within months your baby will kick or squeal at the familiar parts. Treat that as their line.

3. A few minutes of tummy time

Start the day you bring your baby home with 2 to 3 short sessions of about 3 to 5 minutes. Tummy-down on your chest counts, as long as you stay awake. See how much tummy time a baby needs.

4. Sing

Any song you know works, and your voice beats any speaker. Try a traditional rhyme like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," sung slowly while you rock. If you sang to the bump, sing the same songs now.

5. Read the same book

Your newborn won't follow the story, but they'll follow your voice. If you read a book to the bump in pregnancy, keep going: the rhythm is already familiar.

6. Step outside

Wind, moving leaves and the sound of birds give the senses a feast no room can match. Name what you see. For babies under 6 months, keep them out of direct sun, in shade, with a brimmed hat and clothes that cover arms and legs.

7. Carry them with you

A sling or soft carrier keeps your baby close to your voice, face and movement, and frees your hands. Talk about what you're doing: "Now we're choosing apples. This one's red." Keep their face visible, their chin off their chest, and hold them upright and snug, close enough to kiss the top of their head. Carriers aren't for routine sleep, especially under 4 months. If your baby was born early or small, or has a cold or breathing trouble, check with your pediatrician first.

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How long newborns stay awake

Not long. WHO's guideline for 0 to 3 months is 14 to 17 hours of sleep in 24 hours, in short pieces around the clock. So most "awake time" is feeding, changing and a few calm, alert minutes. Feeds are prime time: you're already face to face, so keep most of them phone-free and chat.

Watch for sleepy cues: staring into space, slower movements, a yawn, rubbing eyes. Start winding down then, because an overtired baby is harder to settle. For sleep, always place your baby on their back, on a firm, flat surface in their own crib, bassinet or play yard, with nothing soft in it. The baby sleep by age page has the full picture.

Follow their lead

A baby who is ready to play has bright, wide eyes, looks at your face and moves smoothly. A baby who needs a break turns their head away, arches, yawns or hiccups during play, frowns or fusses. When you see those, do less: stop talking for a moment, hold them close and let them look away. Here's more on signs of an overstimulated baby.

One thing you might hear: that newborns copy your faces. A large study of 106 babies found no reliable copying in the first 9 weeks, so if yours doesn't stick out their tongue back at you, nothing is wrong. Keep copying them anyway. They still enjoy the attention.

What you can skip

Flashcards, baby videos and gadgets that promise to teach. WHO advises no screen time under age 2, and babies learn far less from a screen than from the same thing done live. Video calls with family are the exception, because Grandma can answer back. You also don't need a packed schedule. A clean floor, your face and a few kitchen objects later on are the whole kit.

On the hard days

Some days, survival mode is the plan, and that's fine. Pick one feed, put the phone away and answer every sound your baby makes. That alone is dozens of turns. If you need ten minutes to shower, put your baby in a bouncer just outside the shower curtain and sing.

If you notice that you rarely feel like interacting, or that joy has drained out of your days, that may be postpartum depression. It's common and treatable. Talk to your doctor or midwife this week. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, call 988 (in the US) or 911 now.

Go deeper

Grow a Genius

In the book: Chapter 16: Serve and Return

Chapter 16 gives you ten serve-and-return games by age, from face to face at birth to point, name, bring at 12 months, and the Talk to Me guide adds 101 more for every stage.

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